Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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