my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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