he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
