my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize