Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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