You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
