I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
