Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
