woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
