Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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