Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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