I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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