and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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