i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
