I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i've created a new STD.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
