btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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