I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
