ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
