the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
