you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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