Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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