Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
