Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
