I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize