He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
