I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How many fucks given?
0.12846
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
