and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
