no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
