I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
