My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
