I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize