Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize