just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
