is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
