Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
