I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize