What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
