K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
try to milk me bitch
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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