Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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