made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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