he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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