So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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