I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
