I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
