I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
