After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
