dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
