Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
