There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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