We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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