well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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