The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
birth control should be required to get into college
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
