my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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