just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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