You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
