my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
