I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize