I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
