i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
