He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
