then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
