So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
