I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
