I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
