Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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