looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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