just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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