I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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