He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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