I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
