Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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