Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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