Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
